QB: Re-al Mitchell – Iowa State: Is there any chance his middle name is de-al? Re-al De-al Mitchell sounds like the real deal, or at least Cyclone fans really hope so.
QB: Zadock Dinkelman – Navarro JC: I wonder if he got the back 40 plowed with his team of mules before heading off for school? He’s a nephew of Ty Detmar who won the Heisman Trophy at BYU.
RB: Master Teague – Ohio State: Yes Master
RB: Lentivone Lasane – Unsigned. Committed to UCLA and then de-committed. He was probably upset that they mispronounced his name.
WR: Charleston Rambo – Oklahoma: Hey, we could use you right now over in Afghanistan.
Ath: Aron Cruickshank – Wisconsin: The name speaks for itself, no comments needed.
Ath: Wooby Theork-Youmans – Virginia: If you think his first name is a little different, check out
the rest of his name.
TE: Geor’Quarius Spivey – Miss State: Nice to meet you, my name is Brad’Quarius. With a name like that, you’d hope he can ball.
OG: Max Yarbrough – Louisiana Lafayette: I can’t see the name Yarbrough without thinking of the old internet trick about Gotch Yarbrough. It’s a long story.
OG: Peace Addo – Duke: Ah do want peace myself, but not so sure ah would have named my kid that.
OT: Kwatrivous Johnson – Mississippi State: Kwat? What? Huh? How bout I just call you Johnson? Let’s just stay on a last name basis here, pal.
OT: Dare Rosenthal – LSU: I dare you ask him why is name is Dare? He’s 6-8, 330 supposedly. That’s a big ole boy. Nice pick up for LSU, now just get them a coach and a quarterback.
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DE: Tennessee Pututau – Utah: Country and Western singer of Pacific Island heritage? I need to hear some of that. Can you play 16 Tons for me? I love that song.
DE: Joseph Boletepeli – NC State: At least they gave him an easy first name. You have to feel for the game commentators sometimes.
ILB: Bumper Pool – Arkansas: If this guy is any good, I vote for a change to Thumper for a first name. But, as it is, Bumper is pretty different.
OLB: Azeez Ojulari – Georgia: Ah Geez can’t they make these names any harder to pronounce?
OLB: Micah Baskerville – LSU: As an avid reader, the Hound of the Baskerville is on a long list of
books to read.
OLB: Mason Platter – Wisconsin: Badger fans hope he will hand running backs heads to them on a platter.
OLB: D’Andre Ragin – Toledo: He should have signed with the Ragin Cajuns. But, as it is, he will be roid ragin in Toledo.
DB: Andre Cisco – Syracuse: He’s got to be the missing Cisco Kid of yesterday tales.
DB: Chandler Pulvermacher – Iowa State: Pulvermacher in English means powder maker. I liked it better to think he would make pulverizing moves on his opponents.
DB: Maxwell Worship – Vanderbilt: Must go to church, must go to church, must go to church. Thanks for the reminder.
K: Cameron Dicker – Texas: Dicker the Kicker is going to catch on pretty quickly.