I started this blog to write about college football history and current events. But, I don’t want to be serious all of the time, that can be depressing. Please understand that in doing my all name team, I am not making fun of anybody or anybody’s name. My own name is not John Smith, but it is pretty common and I always wanted a name that stood out in the crowd.
There’s really no place like sports to come across some of the most original names on the planet. I am a huge fan of original. I am also a huge fan of comedy, so I hope somebody finds this amusing and nobody takes it as offensive.
So, here is my 2014 All Name Team:
QB: Fudge Van Hooser-Tulane. Fudge redshirted last year, but from little I have seen of him he is a very good athlete. He might wind up at WR or another position but wouldn’t you want a guy named Fudge calling the shots at QB?
QB: Nick Montana- Tulane. The Montana name is just larger than life. None of the Montana boys live up to dad, but he’s not somebody that is easy to live up to.
QB: Brad Valentino- Tulsa. Nice. Sure beats my last name.
RB: Shadrach Thornton- North Carolina State. Where are his old buds Meshach and Abednego?
RB: Shock Linwood – Baylor. His name may be shocking but he is a pretty good Running Back as well.
WR: MacGarrett Kings Jr – Michigan State. I have never seen the new Hawaii 5-0, but the original show was a classic and I loved it the 5 or 6 times I actually got to see it. MacGarrett was famous for saying ‘book em Dano’ at the end of the show when they caught their man. Never mind all of that, Kings is a good WR for the Spartans.
WR: Freddie Canteen – Michigan. True freshman at Michigan. Going to be a star, immediately for the Wolverines.
WR: Pharoah McKever NC State. Let my people go.
WR: Geronimo Allison – Illinois. JC transfer for the Illini.You don’t meet a lot of guys walking around named Geronimo.
WR: Spiffy Evans – Boston College.
TE: Kalvin Cline-Virginia Tech. Top clothing designer? Or, good Tight end?
OG: Damien Mama- USC. There’s no way anyone talks about this guy’s mama. Mama is huge and talented and should play early for the Trojans.
OL: Geno Zappa- Bowling Green. I thought Frank Zappa was a fake name.
OL: John Gruenschlaeger – Kentucky. Unusual name even more unusual size at 6-11, 350. He’s probably more like 370 or 380.
OL: Bearooz Yacoobi- Purdue. If you have a hard time remembering names, Bearooz Yacoobi should be a big help for you.
OL: Cory Keebler- Cincinnati. At 6-7,295 he is hardly an elf in a hollow tree.
DE: Wonderful Monds II – Florida International
DE: Shawn Oakman- Baylor. Oakman is well named since he is 6-9, 275. You might say he is half Oak and half man as he swats down pass after pass on his side of the field.
DT: Jihad Ward- Illinois. Jihad? Seriously?
DT: Hershey Walton – Temple.
LB: Scooby Wright-Arizona. You don’t see a lot of grown men and particularly LB sized grown men walking around named Scooby.
LB: Sir Thomas Jackson-Arizona. This guy’s first name is Sir. I like it.
LB: Chi Chi Ariguzo- Northwestern.
CB: Brad Hyman-Muhammad- Florida International. Strange name on so many levels.
CB: Sammy Seamster- Middle Tennessee.
S: Jordan Grabski- Idaho. Too bad he isn’t playing WR.
S: Mike Tyson- Cincinnati. I hope he can fight.
Punter: Steven Broccoli – Tulane. I used to hate broccoli but I was forced to eat it and it kind of grows on you. It does fight cancer.